stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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