Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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