Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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