I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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