I'm gonna have a badass scar
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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