So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
