I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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