I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
