dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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