I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
