yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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