I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize