captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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