he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
