pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize