hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
