Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
