I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
