You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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