you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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