I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
