Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
