I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
