My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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