he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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