I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
