hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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