I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
