i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
