And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
