cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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