If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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