I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
