is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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