i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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