I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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