he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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