I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
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I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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