I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
