a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
