my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
