she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
