Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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