i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
