I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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