Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
