i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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