I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
