I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
