My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
