im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
