im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
