i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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