Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
