He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize