I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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