I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Blood and glitter go together right?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The power of my boobs compel you
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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