I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
