i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
