i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
