Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
