you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
