he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
