I cockslap morals
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
