That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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