Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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