Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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