Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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