remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
