just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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