I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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