how can u be prego again
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
