it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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