yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
