I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
