You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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