Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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